Sure, there’s been a lot of unnecessary pumpkin spice flavored things over the years. We’ve seen everything from protein powder to dog treats to a spray-on seasoning. Every year when fall comes around, it’s everywhere. But in recent years, a more obnoxious trend has arisen: mindlessly hating pumpkin spice.
Is it the hipster mentality of needing to hate anything that reaches a certain level of popularity? Or are yall just mad that the pumpkin spice drinking, Ugg boots and leggings-as-pants wearing popular girls from high school didn’t talk to you? Sure, the market is oversaturated in bepumkined products that no one asked for, but I think I could probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve heard someone criticize pumpkin spice without doing so in an exaggerated valley girl accent or pantomiming scrolling through their phone.
Get over yourselves, incels. If your only personality trait is hating basic bitches, you are the real basic bitch here.
And if you can’t stop hating pumpkin spice, at least try to redirect that energy into liking a different fall flavor instead.
Apple
Not to sound too much like the New York Tourism Board is sponsoring two posts in a row, but apples really are one of the most versatile fall flavors. If you’ve secretly loved pumpkin spice this whole time, getting something apple cinnamon flavored will let you enjoy the spice while letting you save face. For something a little sweeter, try caramel apple. And if we’re talking just beverages, apple cider can be enjoyed hot or cold, spiced or plain, hard or soft.
Maple
It’s debatable whether or not maple syrup is a fall or spring flavor, since maple sap is tapped in the early spring. However, there has been a recent upturn in maple syrup being used as a coffee sweetener, sugar substitute in baked goods, and glaze on meats like turkey and ham on many fall menus. Even Oreo’s gotten in on it, having a Maple Creme flavor on shelves, seemingly instead of pumpkin spice this year. I can’t really vouch for maple water (aka just sap) as your new fall drink of choice though, that fad seems to have run its course after people realized it had no actual benefits. .
Cranberry
What if I told you that you didn’t have to wait for Thanksgiving to have cranberry sauce? You don’t even have to roast off a whole turkey, it’ll pair well with any poultry or pork product. And cranberries don’t have to be relegated to just sauce (and I’m choosing to save the canned vs fresh sauce debate for another day), they can be the star of a wide variety of baked goods, as well as more peculiar dishes as salsas and mustards.
Sage
Speaking of Thanksgiving, if you’ve ever wondered what that herbal note in stuffing that gives it that Thanksgiving-y feel is, it’s sage. It pairs well with just about any meat or fatty flavor, so try using some in whatever your favorite comfort food is. Or, for something more sage-forward, try making a pesto with sage instead of basil. Very few (but not none) have tried putting it in a latte, though, but I guess that’s what herbal tea is for. One last tip- don’t eat it raw, the felt-like texture of the leaves will probably result in it getting stuck in the back of your throat, either cook it in with the food, fry the leaves whole, or, in the case of that pesto, blend it up so finely that it doesn’t even matter.
Brown Butter
Every once in a while, some random classical French technique will become popular out of nowhere. For a while, cloud eggs were all the rage on Instagram for some reason. Lately, brown butter (or beurre noisette if you wanna be like that) seems to be joining the ranks. And with good reason, unlike those stupid cloud eggs, that literally just look pretty, since its roasty, nutty flavors scream fall. And also unlike cloud eggs, it’s easy enough to make at home… sort of. It’s just butter, cooked down until the point where it JUST starts to burn, so don’t get too carried away. Try it with vegetables (especially squash and/or kale), seafood (especially scallops or soft-shell crabs) or pasta (especially ravioli) .
