I could probably write a whole book on the history of all the janky fast food gimmick items that have been put out over the years.  But I feel the one thing that really opened my third eye was KFC’s Double-Down, back in 2010. Did it taste good? No. But it made me realize that hey, nothing matters, you can do whatever you want with food.  And I’m here for this brand of culinary nihilism.  

Ever since, everything else has seemed like chasing a high.  Taco Bell’s come close a few times, but most of their concoctions typically seem like a logical next step in their product line.  Few seemed to be willing to attempt to capture that deranged energy of, “Hey, what if we made a sandwich where the chicken was the bread?” 

But, 10 years later, KFC’s done it again. (Almost- they actually started testing it last year while everyone else was busy making Good™ chicken sandwiches.)  

So let’s bite the bullet, already.

The most jarring difference between the promotional images and the IRL sandwich is the donut itself.  The real thing is a darker golden-brown, the hole in the middle wasn’t as pronounced, and the glaze wasn’t perfectly even.  You could argue that it’s either what you could come to expect from a fast food donut, or that it all gives it a more handmade feel. (And really, if you’re expecting an Instagram-worthy donut from KFC, you need to get your priorities straightened out.) 

The donut itself was slightly denser than your ordinary yeast donut, which makes sense given how if it was any lighter, it would completely fall apart once in sandwich form (and if it was any denser, I would be dead).  It was also slightly sweet, and almost had a potato bread vibe to it. And, as advertised, it had clearly been made fresh.

The glaze over it was obnoxiously sticky.  I could feel drops of it get stuck to my face- and it stayed there.  I normally try to avoid fast food restaurants’ bathrooms, but I made an exception this time so I could hose myself down since napkins just weren’t enough to dilute the gel.

The chicken itself is an Original Recipe breast sandwich cutlet.  Nothing groundbreaking, you know what it is. Anything more extravagant might have thrown this sandwich completely off the deep end (it wasn’t there already?).

I tend to be a skeptic when it comes to savory/sweet pairings (mostly when it comes to things like cheap teriyaki or cheap General Tso’s), but this does really work, if you’re willing to believe.  If you’re someone who gets excited for donut burgers at the fair, this is for you. If you’re someone who heard about this and said “What the fuck,” yeah, you’re probably right. Apparently, this is a limited engagement running from now until March 16, so you don’t have much time left to decide if this seems like your kinda thing.  And if it’s specifically the sandwich that’s turning you off, they also have a tenders and donut combo as well as the option to just buy a donut on the side. 

I, for one, probably won’t quite be able to bring myself to eat a second one within that time frame, out of some sort of twisted sense of self-preservation.

I need a fucking salad.  And a shower.

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