I was served pineapple pizza at a friend’s house recently, and ate the combo- potentially the first time ever- while trying to force out my preconceived notions about how I hate it because the internet told me to. A Discord server I belong to had an hour-long conversation rating the best and worst fruits and vegetables, and while “all melons taste the same, which is to say, ‘bad’” is not normally a hill that I’d want to die on, my friends were more than eager to kill me there anyways. Countless thinkpieces have been written denouncing foods otherwise agreed-upon as being good, from chocolate and peanut butter to kettle chips.
Is nothing sacred? Must everything be a debate?
It’s the internet, of course everything has to be a debate. But in the case of food opinions, maybe that’s a good thing.
In an era where every day seems to get more and more polarizing (totally not referencing that election tomorrow hahahahaha………. 👀), people have a lot of built-up tension they need to release. And, unfortunately, “everyone is entitled to their own opinion” tends to get conflated to encompass things that are, frankly, harmful to other people. But with food arguments, the stakes are much lower, providing a much healthier way for people to exercise their need to be right. So, if everyone on Twitter tires themselves out arguing about whether or not pineapple on pizza is good or not, they (hopefully) won’t have any energy left to go on Reddit to and start ranting about how “women and minorities aren’t people, actually.” Of course, it doesn’t change the fact that those shitheads think things like that, but at least the rest of us don’t have to deal with it.
It works for the other end of the political spectrum, too. It’s understandable to want to jump down the throat of some fascist spreading bullshit in the comments section. But engaging them in a “debate” only legitimizes their stance in the eyes of those susceptible to falling into that kind of mindset, so it’s best to just block them, stop doomscrolling (or, if this is in the real world, punch them), and save that anger for an argument where no one’s lives are at stake.
The writers of these thinkpieces aren’t trolls trying to get a rise out of people, they’re martyrs.
The author of that kettle chips article even said that she wrote that solely as a public service to give people something to vent about.
There are some exceptions, however. Mainly, any take that just boils down to “Ethnic food is weird/gross” (with some leeway potentially allowed for neurodivergent people with sensory/texture sensitivities) is pretty much just people wanting to argue about race again. In fact, I’ve generally found people’s reaction to the smell of Indian food to be a pretty good litmus test for whether or not they were a piece of shit. (Not to say that there aren’t racists who still eat ethnic food, but you get the idea). There’s also the matter of a quiz published by the New York Times recently asking readers to test if they could tell the difference between a Trump supporter’s fridge vs a Biden supporters fridge, based on classist stereotypes.
Anyways, I’m gonna fire off some of my takes, hot or not, so feel free to respond with why you’re gonna try to steal my shin bones while I’m sleeping tonight.
Strawberries: TASTES BAD
Bananas: TASTES BAD
Celery: TASTES BAD AND FEELS BAD TO CHEW
Cilantro: TASTES GOOD
Smoothies: CAN BE A WHOLE MEAL, DAD
Rare steak: TASTES BAD (that could be a whole article on its own…)
Cucumber: NOT “REFRESHING,” JUST BAD
Pickled cucumber: WHAT DID I JUST SAY
Literally any other pickled vegetable: GOOD
TV dinners: TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE, WE’RE ALL GOIN THROUGH SOME STUFF
Raw/smoked salmon: TOO CHEWY
Canned tuna: SMELLS LIKE CAT FOOD
Pretty much any seafood, actually: OVERPRICED AND NOT REALLY WORTH IT
Pineapple on pizza: ACCEPTABLE
Ham on pizza: UNACCEPTABLE
Pineapple on ham: WHY
Fondant: IT’S FINE I GUESS
My grandma is very opinionated. When I was younger (less “successful”?), this bothered me and I’d want to argue with her about stuff.
Then at some point I stopped caring. Not just about arguing with my grandma but everyone.
It might be that people have different views from mine basically all the time now.
Tech co-workers? Friends? New York City? Other people in lockdown? All have different views on X, from how well they’re doing on whichever front of life, to religion, to politics, to how one should exercise, to how one should utilize money… whatever.
I feel like an alien — the outer space kind — on this planet. And that’s quite alright. Because when arguing would be such an uphill battle, you just lose the inkling to do it. There’d be a negligible outcome of success anyway.
It’s your blog! You can have all the takes you want. Mine doesn’t even have comments. Nobody talks back to me.
There’s probably another train of thought here about how social media makes everyone think they are a special flower. That’s just another example of my uncommon-but-loosely-held takes, though.