Happy Pride Month! It’s time for corporations to pretend to care about gay people again!

While most companies are content to just slap a rainbow overlay on their Twitter profile pic, Postmates, however, is going one step beyond: they’ve partnered with a “sexual wellness” surgeon (whatever that means) to create a Bottom Friendly Menu.  The menu focuses mainly on foods high in soluble fiber, such as fruits (lol) and white rice, to promote regularity for those who wish to receive anal sex, while avoiding foods that could either back you up (insoluble fiber like whole grains, and also dairy) or give you the runs (fats).  For the moment, the menu only covers restaurants in LA and NYC (because only big city gays have money), and focuses a lot on sushi and somehow coffee?  That thing that people always joke about giving them the shits??

On one hand, I’m somewhat concerned.  A lot of online queer discourse lately has focused around respectability politics-or more specifically, not buying into them- with many believing that the best way to keep corporate interests and influence out of queer communities is to make and keep said communities weird and sexual and unapproachable by the straight masses, so we can truly be ourselves. I would be surprised if any straight person has even read up to this point.  The fact that a big corporation is leaning this hard into “gay people have anal sex” could have repercussions for how far corporations will be willing to go in the future.     

On the other hand, this is so fucking funny.  Yass, I guess.

But what about diets for other queer identities? Would a top diet be focused around protein to increase muscle mass, in hopes to increase overall stamina, or carbo-loading for a big boost of energy?  Would a verse diet be a combination of the top and bottom diets, just so you’re extra prepared for anything?  Does the whole “pineapple makes your cum taste better” thing play into any of this?  Would an asexual menu be all cake? (Has anyone made a  “asexual people love cake” joke since 2010?)

One article by Insider also (falsely?) claims that part of being a bottom is also the desire to relinquish control to your partner (the word for that is “sub,” and while they aren’t mutually exclusive, they aren’t exactly synonyms either).  But that did get me thinking…

What if someone like Grubhub were to up the ante with an ordering service where a dom gets to choose what a sub eats?  The sub would fill out a form with their preferences and dietary restrictions, of course, so that their (randomly assigned?) dom will know ahead of time how to treat them right, and, I don’t know, they both agree to split the cost of the meal? Maybe there can be a sliding scale of who pays what percent of the tab depending on how into findom they are? Ok, I started writing this paragraph as a joke but I feel like once the kinks (lol) are worked out, I think there could actually be potential in a food delivery service where someone else picks your food for you.  Maybe someday, the prudes will let us have this.

[Oh, and one quick housekeeping note: I’ve decided I’m not going to write these posts on a weekly basis anymore, just when a story I feel like writing about or a terrible cooking video idea comes up. Posts will probably still happen Mondays around noon when they do happen, but forcing myself to write about shit when there isn’t a hot take to be had was just getting old.]

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