You may have noticed I don’t really post on here that much anymore. I sorta burnt myself out creatively by forcing myself to post every week, so I’ve decided I’ll only post when genius strikes.
And oh baby has genius struck. I’m absolutely stricken right now, you don’t even know.
Allow me to paint a picture for you: I’m at work, tired as hell, and decided to get a coffee. If you’ve never had grocery store coffee that had been sitting in the urn for 7 hours, it’s not great. Desperate for some way to make it somewhat tolerable, I remember that coffee-flavored Coke that came out a year or so ago, and decide to basically make that. But that ended up being very heavy, so I tried to lighten it up with a little half-and-half. And then it hit me: I just reinvented Pilk.
For those of you not addicted to the internet, Pilk is the Pepsi-milk bastard offspring the internet loves to insist is good. But at this point, Pilk has become blase. To make coffeenated Pilk is nothing. I needed to create an all-new beverage that would have all my friends saying, “why are you like this.” The final stroke of inspiration came when I was cleaning out my fridge a few days later and found a pretentious can of cold brew that I bought like a month ago that boasted citrussy ( ( ͡° ل͜ ͡°) ) notes. And suddenly, I knew what the next hot soda/not soda combination to take the internet by storm would be.
Crite. Equal parts coffee and Sprite, for those of you who don’t understand portmanteaus.
My apologies to that cold brew for calling it pretentious, citrus and coffee is, surprisingly, a very good combination. The Sprite’s sweetness also helps mask any bitterness that may come from old or burnt coffee, while not covering up the actual flavor of the coffee. And the carbonation from the Sprite gives it a slight evanescence that helps lighten up the coffee, making a surprisingly refreshing brew, and also creates a beer-like head of foam on top. Furthermore, the Sprite helps temper piping hot coffee down to a pleasantly warm temperature (maybe too cool for most people’s standards for a “hot beverage,” but it is August, after all), making it much easier to drink. Obviously, you can drink iced Crite too, you just don’t get quite as nice of a foam. And, of course, since you’re only drinking half as much coffee as you normally would be for a drink that size, it’s a much mellower buzz and less severe crash.
Also, you don’t have to worry about curdling milk like you do with Pilk.
So go forth and enjoy the taste of the… summer? Honestly, since citrus fruits are technically winter fruits (and Sprite is eternal), there’s no reason not to drink Crite every day of the year.
One thought on “Step Aside, Pilk, It’s Time for Crite”
* every day of the LIFE